POUGHKEEPSIE- Researchers confirmed today that the symptoms you’re Googling are definitely something very serious which may claim or significantly shorten your life.
Their report further stated that it will probably take several years – if ever – for a diagnosis to be made, due to the rarity of your condition and the limited availability of skilled pathologists in our area.
“There will be many rounds of expensive testing and visiting of different specialists in and out of your insurance network,” stated senior researcher A. Scott MacArthur, MD. “You’ll soon reach a point where you know more about the possible diagnoses and cutting-edge treatments than the doctors you talk to because, while they have been treating mostly common cases within their specialty, you have been basically obsessed with your condition for over six months, spending every spare moment researching it on the web and commiserating with fellow sufferers from around the world on a dedicated discussion forum.”
Your extremely detailed recounting of your case history and demonstrated knowledge of possible treatments, combined with a failure to simply follow orders and submit to more testing, as our fee-for-service for-profit system would have patients do like so many lemmings, will not endear you to your future care providers.
“You will definitely be told it’s all in your head,” said MacArthur.
Because no single test exists for your condition – only tests that can rule out other conditions – your diagnosis, if made, will not be 100 percent certain, and other specialists may disagree. As the months drag on, the stress of this obsession will be almost too much to bear at times, and new symptoms will manifest; symptoms that can be caused by your condition, but which can also manifest psychosomatically under the crucible of stress.
“The mind has an amazing ability to harm or heal,” said Siddartha Ramachandran, MD, PHD. “Placebo has been shown to perform as well as antidepressants and oncologists have long observed a direct correlation in patient attitude and outcome. Perhaps most profound of all are reports from anthropologists of so-called ‘hex deaths’- perfectly healthy subjects who quickly sickened and died for no discernible reason after believing they were cursed by a powerful sorcerer. If the mind can do that, just imagine what it’s capable of with the aid of Web MD!”
