For all the strides made by extroverts, it’s still an introvert’s world. Here are three tips for extroverts looking to fit in and find success in life and love.
1. Realize you don’t need to be in constant communication
Introverts naturally understand that it’s best to alternate periods of intense social activity with calm periods devoted to silent reflection, productive work or hobbies requiring one’s undivided attention, and enjoying fine films, art and literature. For extroverts, this can be difficult. They feel the need to fill every moment with social interaction, and as a result, often have trouble completing difficult tasks requiring sustained concentration, which puts them at a disadvantage in the 21st century global economy (as they are so often reminded).
As an extrovert, the key to overcoming this is to realize it’s all in your head! That needling desire to chat up the person in front of you in line? That’s not a social requirement. (Actually the chances are good you’re bothering that person by doing so.) Suggesting you and a colleague go see a movie, converting the relationship from colleague to work-friend? Look, that person already has enough going on in their life. You’re only making it more difficult by making an invitation they feel they’ll have to agree to so as not to appear rude. Just don’t do it.
Once you realize you don’t need to initiate these social interactions, you’ll be amazed at how speedily you slip through the minimal required social contact each day. A light, cloud-like feeling will wash over you as your schedule opens up. You’ll be able to find much more time for productive tasks and just hanging out at home recharging with your cat… like a normal person!
2. Don’t let the haters get you down.
Life can be discouraging for extroverts. It feels like everyone’s against you. Even the English language. What words naturally come to mind when one thinks of an Introvert? Most would say intelligent, thoughtful, conscientious, good listener, considerate, polite, humble and so on. What about Extrovert? Annoying, loud, self-important, narcissistic, obtrusive, exhausting and impudent.
Yikes!
But don’t lose heart. Believe it or not, some introverts actually envy some of your gregarious qualities! Indeed, some introverts say they wish they felt more comfortable talking to strangers. So whenever you’re feeling the ugly duckling, always consider that that well-adjusted introvert calmly reading her book across the room might actually wish to trade places with you (but probably only for a night now and then… certainly not permanently!).
3. Focus on the relationships that matter and cut bait with the rest!
One of the main problems plaguing extroverts is their need to constantly meet new people and become involved in their lives. Many extroverts labor under the delusion that this is “making friends,” but in reality, extroverts aren’t able to cultivate any more of the deep relationships that lead to long-term happiness than introverts. Instead, their socially promiscuous lives are a hot mess, constantly dealing with the trials and tribulations of a rotating gallery of mostly short-lived “friendships.” In their 20s, every weekend is a wedding. In their 30s, a playdate with kids. Later, every week brings a funeral. The time in between mostly consists of running into people they’ve met previously and saying “we need to get together soon!”… but rarely (if ever) actually doing so. It’s no surprise so many extroverts bemoan their failure to master any difficult skill or create anything of lasting value in their lives.
The good news is it doesn’t have to be this way! If extroverts take a step back and take an honest look at the quantity and quality of their relationships, and focus only those with their family and good friends, then their lives need not be a confusing jumble of unsatisfying small talk.
