A seal that has taken up residence approximately 100 miles north of New York City in the Hudson River issued a plea to local media to stop reporting on his location, citing threats to his life.
Apparently, the young harbor seal is on the run.
“Do you think I want to live in a polluted river 100 miles from the ocean?” said the seal to a group of reporters gathered at the Saugerties Lighthouse yesterday for a press conference. “Look, I got involved with some shady porpoises in the Bermuda Triangle a few years ago and got in over my head. Now some sharks want to break my fins. It’s only a matter of time before they find out where I’m at and then my fate with be sealed!”
The assembled media personnel responded to the string of incomprehensible barks by commenting how cute the seal was and expressed their earnest wish that he will someday find a girlfriend.
