NEW PALTZ- In a surprising turn of events, a coyote has been elected mayor of New Paltz.
The coyote, a 68lb, 3-and-a-half-year-old male whose den is located in the North Manheim Woods, successfully defeated incumbent Tim Rogers by a vote of 33 to 26.
The coyote promised to end the scourge of deer wandering the village spreading lyme disease eating local gardener’s hostas, as well as tackling rising rents and gentrification by attacking the pets and backyard livestock (especially chickens) of recently relocated residents and Airbnb guests.
Celebrating its victory, the coyote led a ravenous pack from the Flats through the village at the stroke of midnight, yipping and yowling like banshees and cutting a swath of destruction through the streets of this quiet college town that left dozens of dead and maimed dogs and cats, and caused residents to retreat into their homes and bar the doors, cowering in fear until the blood-drunk horde had satisfied its savage appetites.
The next day, realtors say they were besieged by calls from residents looking to sell their homes and move “back to civilization.”
Supporters of the coyote said they knew it was risky to turn over the village’s governance to a wild animal, but that the village’s problems required “out of the box” problem-solving.
They said they also appreciated the candor of the coyote.
“Most politicians, you can’t believe a thing they say,” said Justin LeFevre, 28. “But the coyote said he was going to feast on the village’s fawns, feral cats, and Shih-Tzus, leave the bones of his enemies in Peace Park, even chase the predominantly out-of-town spandex-clad bicyclists that the state wants to destroy our precious trees on Henry W. Dubois Drive to accommodate– and doggone it, he’s already delivered on those promises!”
