ALBANY- It’s been over three months since since the governor’s NY PAUSE order shut down all non-essential businesses and banned gatherings of any size for any purpose. As practitioners of one of the activities most likely to spread the virus, the local orgy community has been particularly hard hit. Gov. Cuomo’s surprise announcement this morning that, beginning Friday, orgies would once again be permitted across the Mid-Hudson region (which includes the counties of Ulster, Dutchess, Orange, Putnam, Rockland and Weschester) has sparked a wave of excitement in group sex aficionados from Pine Plains to Pine Hill, Saugerties to South Salem.
“It just feels good to restore some sense of normalcy,” said Peter Nero, 44, a Gestalt therapist and thereminist from Ponckhockie. “Of course, it won’t be exactly the same. Some people won’t really be comfortable engaging in an ecstatic, Dionysian sexual free-for-all until there’s a vaccine, or at least more effective antiviral therapeutics. But for those of us willing to trade some personal risk to intermingle our souls and intertwine our bodies in communal fashion and thereby ascend to an otherwise inaccessible higher plane of spiritual and erotic bliss, the governor’s announcement came as welcome news. ”
Some of the restrictions include: 50 percent capacity or less in all group-sex grottos; mandatory face-mask use at all times when one is not actively engaged in intercourse; single-occupancy for all vomitoriums; and liberal use of disinfectant on all surfaces.
“We couldn’t have got this far without the cooperation of the smart, loving, united, and tough New Yorkers these last several months,” said Gov. Cuomo. “My message to all who plan to engage in communal coitus this weekend: Please, fuck safe and fuck smart. God bless you.”
