Hudson Valley Mountain River News
Satire You Can Trust
NEW PALTZ- New Paltz’s Karen Jackson, 56, is a woman on a mission. Her goal? Enforce universal face-mask use and social-distancing in her town. Her domain? The New Paltz community …
New Paltz Woman Wages War on the Maskless Read More
NEW PALTZ- While restaurants, bars, hair salons and clothing shops remain shuttered in this Hudson Valley college town, one of the first businesses to close plans to re-open tonight: Blue …
Deemed Essential, New Paltz’s Blue Moon Re-Opens for ‘Corona Cuties’ Night, Featuring Masked Dancers Read More
The coronavirus pandemic has taught us a lot. Though it’s far from over, the worst of the first wave has passed here in New York State, so now is a …
The Lockdowns Are Coming to an End, But Day-Drinking Doesn’t Have To Read More
Ulster County Executive Pat Ryan hesitates before eating hissing cockroaches yesterday at the Capitol ALBANY- In the darkest days of the Covid-19 pandemic, Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s daily press briefings were …
Cuomo, in Bid to Boost Press Conference Ratings, Forces County Execs to Compete to End Lockdowns Read More
KINGSTON- After weeks of fielding complaints of crowds in shared outdoor spaces not adhering to social-distancing guidelines, the Ulster County Sheriff has come up with a novel solution: Dressing deputies …
Ulster County Police Dress as Grim Reaper to Enforce Social-Distancing in Parks & Trails Read More
Saying lockdown-driven overindulgence in alcohol has “pushed us to our breaking points,” the nation’s livers are calling for an immediate phased re-opening of the economy. “Our message is simple: We …
Nation’s Livers Call for End to Lockdowns Read More
KINGSTON- Over 300 years ago, a wall was erected surrounding what is now Uptown Kingston to protect the Dutch settlement from armed raids. This week, a group of residents stood …
Kingston Rebuilds Stockade to Keep Out Potentially Infectious Tourists Read More
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo took time out of his daily coronavirus update today to shine a light on local youngster Cooper McCarthy, recent recipient of the “Hero of the …
Cuomo Commends 10-Year-Old for Informing on Parents for Social-Distancing Violations Read More
So much for “We’re all in this together.” Rachel Henderson, 30, an unemployed bartender and waitress living in the Hudson Valley, recently issued a stark warning to the elder generation, …
Millennial’s Shocking Ultimatum to Boomers: ‘Cancel Student Debt or We Will Cough on You’ Read More
ALBANY- New Yorkers in need of financial help will have to wait a little bit longer. Soon after the news broke that the stimulus checks were to be delayed following …
New Yorkers’ Stimulus Checks to Be Further Delayed While Cuomo Adds Signature Next to 50% Tax Read More
