New York Governor Andrew Cuomo took time out of his daily coronavirus update today to shine a light on local youngster Cooper McCarthy, recent recipient of the “Hero of the Empire State: Junior Class.”
According to Cuomo, earlier this week McCarthy used his mother’s cell phone to call the New York PAUSE complaint line (1-833-789-0470) to report a violation of the state’s social-distancing rules banning “all non-essential gatherings of any size for any purpose.”
The alleged violators? McCarthy’s own parents, Sean and Jeanne McCarthy of Rhinebeck, NY, who, according to Cooper, held an outdoor dinner party with a half-dozen guests on a recent warm evening.
“Young Cooper should serve as an example to us all,” said Cuomo. “In a time of unprecedented crisis, the welfare of the collective is more important than a misplaced loyalty toward friends and family, which is really a form of selfishness which will only cost lives and prolong the lockdown. It is often the case that as we get older, we think we know better than the experts, or we believe that we are somehow the exception. It is at times like this that the clarity and simplicity of the uncorrupted youthful soul can serve as a guiding light for us all.”
Cooper’s parents are now at the former Griffiss Air Force Base outside of Rome, NY, where they are being interned for an undetermined period of time to receive re-education and manufacture hand sanitizer to be sold at Taste NY kiosks in visitors’ centers along the Thruway. Meanwhile, the young hero is now traveling with the governor and giving speeches to youth groups via Skype.
When asked what inspired him to report his parents’ violations against the general welfare, Cooper said, “I was mad because they wouldn’t let me play Animal Crossing and made me go outside.”
At this point Melissa DeRosa, secretary to the governor, intervened.
“Interview over!” she hissed, as two imposing state troopers whisked McCarthy away.
