Hudson Valley Mountain River News
Satire You Can Trust
NEW PALTZ- New Paltz’s Karen Jackson, 56, is a woman on a mission. Her goal? Enforce universal face-mask use and social-distancing in her town. Her domain? The New Paltz community …
New Paltz Woman Wages War on the Maskless Read More
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink,” said County Executive Ryan K. Patrick. “Those who decide not to receive these safe and effective vaccines can’t be allowed to circulate among the productive members of society. Therefore, we have made the choice to relocate them to Ellenville.”
Unvaccinated Ulster Residents to Be Relocated to Ellenville Read More
NEW PALTZ- While restaurants, bars, hair salons and clothing shops remain shuttered in this Hudson Valley college town, one of the first businesses to close plans to re-open tonight: Blue …
Deemed Essential, New Paltz’s Blue Moon Re-Opens for ‘Corona Cuties’ Night, Featuring Masked Dancers Read More
SAN JOSE- A new online dating app restricted to users previously infected with Covid-19 has proven popular with singles anxious to mingle in a time of social-distancing. The app, called …
New Dating App for Those With Covid-19 Antibodies Debuts Read More
The coronavirus pandemic has taught us a lot. Though it’s far from over, the worst of the first wave has passed here in New York State, so now is a …
The Lockdowns Are Coming to an End, But Day-Drinking Doesn’t Have To Read More
ALBANY- It’s been over three months since since the governor’s NY PAUSE order shut down all non-essential businesses and banned gatherings of any size for any purpose. As practitioners of …
Reopening: Gov. Gives Orgies Green Light in Mid-Hudson, With Restrictions Read More
Ulster County Executive Pat Ryan hesitates before eating hissing cockroaches yesterday at the Capitol ALBANY- In the darkest days of the Covid-19 pandemic, Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s daily press briefings were …
Cuomo, in Bid to Boost Press Conference Ratings, Forces County Execs to Compete to End Lockdowns Read More
ALBANY- The CDC earlier today issued new guidance stating that masks and social distancing were no longer necessary for fully vaccinated individuals indoor or outdoor in most situations. While several …
Cuomo: ‘Wanna Lose the Masks? Drop the Sexual Harassment Stuff’ Read More
KINGSTON- After weeks of fielding complaints of crowds in shared outdoor spaces not adhering to social-distancing guidelines, the Ulster County Sheriff has come up with a novel solution: Dressing deputies …
Ulster County Police Dress as Grim Reaper to Enforce Social-Distancing in Parks & Trails Read More
Saying lockdown-driven overindulgence in alcohol has “pushed us to our breaking points,” the nation’s livers are calling for an immediate phased re-opening of the economy. “Our message is simple: We …
Nation’s Livers Call for End to Lockdowns Read More
