With each day bringing news of more deaths, higher unemployment and further extension of lockdowns with no end in sight, it’s only natural to search for a silver lining. Some have found it in newly smog-free skies among major metropolises. Others, in the simple pleasures of home life with family. What about those looking for love? You might think social-distancing would mean a suspension of love and dating. But you would be wrong. Relationship experts have noticed a new trend over the last few weeks: Through a combination of modern technology, and pandemic-enforced abstinence, young couples, free from the pressures of “hookup culture,” are getting to know each other rather than trying to get in each others’ pants, and both men and women are reporting higher levels of satisfaction.
“My last date – if you could call it that – involved going to BSP with a guy a made out with at a party,” said Eve Stinson, 29, of Kingston. “We could barely hear each other over the music and both got too drunk. Then we went back to his place and had sex. I just did it because it would have been awkward not to.”
Stinson says since the lockdown, she’s had video chats with several eligible young bachelors, even scheduling a wholesome socially-distanced picnic with one at Kingston Point. Another thoughtfully sent her a face mask adorned with a tiger lily design — her favorite flower ever since seeing Disney’s Peter Pan as a girl, an obscure reference from a previous conversation he must have been paying close attention to retain — not to mention the hours it would have taken to find just the right one on Etsy.
“It was corny as fuck but also really nice,” said Stinson, describing the marathon conversations as “like a Richard Linklater movie.”
Caleb Moskowitz, 33, of Staatsburg, has also found himself surprisingly satisfied with the new normal.
“Normally there is a lot of gamesmanship involved,” he said. “You’re trying to get laid by expressing interest and making her feel special. It’s not necessarily deceptive, but you might need to act more enthusiastic or into it than you really are at the moment in order to seal the deal. Then you have to constantly monitor things to make sure she’s not trying to move it along too fast, then disappear for a while if she’s getting clingy. It can be exhausting.”
Over the last month, Moskowitz has had several remote all-night conversations with several young single women across the Hudson Valley, with topics as diverse as childhood memories; dogs vs. cats as pets; relationships with parents and siblings; tales of travel; least favorite household chores; favorite music and movies; the trolley problem; effective altruism; and the relative importance of pursuing a career that offers security, less stress and the freedom pursue one’s hobbies with a funded retirement vs. the imperative to use your one wild precious life to follow your bliss.
“I guess it seems obvious, but it’s lot easier to get to know each other when sex is off the table,” he said.
Rev. David West of Katskill Reformed Church and author of “If We’re Not Dating for Marriage, What Are We Doing Here?” says the current conditions allow young people to not just get to know each other, but find out what they really want in life. “Everything is on pause,” he said. “Like a birthday, New Year’s Day, or mushroom trip, people are naturally reevaluating their life decisions up to now and current trajectory going forward. Do I want a family? Am I happy (or was I happy) with my career? Do I want to move to another part of the country? These kind of heady thoughts, coupled with the suspension of physical intimacy (which can intoxicate and beguile one’s best-laid plans), mean that single people engaging in remote dating have an unprecedented opportunity to find someone with whom they are compatible not just in the moment, but for the rest of their lives.”
