KINGSTON- With a large winter storm on the way, City of Kingston officials issued a tough new policy that will surely ruffle the feathers of city motorists.
Abelard began by describing the previous policy. “We’ve always towed any car that didn’t abide by our clear rules concerning parking on the east or south side of all streets whose letters, when matched with their corresponding number 1-26, create a sum that is odd number, in the north and west parts of the city; and vice versa, for north and west sides of the street for even numbers for neighborhoods on the south and east parts of the city, except Midtown, where things are reversed, and except on Sundays, or when Mercury is retrograde, in which case everything is moved up a day, or down as the case may be, depending on whether you’re on uphill or downhill side.”
Abelard said that despite robocalling residents at all hours of the day repeatedly to inform them of these rules, the city still routinely had issues with scofflaws who had the temerity to park on city streets within 96 hours of significant snow events.
“As a result of this, we are dispensing with these guidelines. From now on, if and when our DPW crews plow any given city street or lot, they will simply tow any cars unlucky enough to be there at that point in time.”
Abelard said residents who plan to call up the city to complain that their streets are still not plowed several days after the snow has stopped falling shouldn’t bother. “We don’t want to hear it,” said the mayor. “We’ll get to you when when we get to you. Or maybe we won’t. Eventually it will melt.”